But I'd rather not. 

During the fall, our intern team's main task was to explore "pipelines," which is Servant Partners talk for "places where people congregate and have a steady stream of newcomers." We found drop-ins, volunteer positions, and neighbourhood events where we could meet 200 new people collectively as a team. 

Our new task this season is called "deepening relationships." We are now to go through all the people we've met, and think of what the best next step can be. What invitation is appropriate? Ask for them to attend an event with you? Ask them to teach you how to do something? Or maybe just reintroduce yourself? 

So in the last couple weeks we've slowly gotten into this new season. Unlike the last season, where I felt it played on my weaknesses (perhaps contrary to popular belief, meeting lots of new people is not my forte), I felt this would use my strengths. I find greater joy deepening relationships. 

One hurdle I didn't expect to encounter is actually meeting up with people. It seemed so simple. But one after another, plans would fall through. Bill forgot, and didn't pick up his phone the whole day. Grant and Erica's phone that has worked fine the last few months, is suddenly unreachable. A Facebook message seen but not replied to (I've been informed this is called r-bombing). 

I thought, "Am I doing something wrong here? Do people not want to hang out with me? Why can't I catch a break?" 

I was sitting in a coffeeshop killing the three hours I left open to meet up with someone (but didn't happen). "God, it's kind of embarrassing. This feels like such a basic thing I should be able to do, and I can't do it." 

God (I think): "That's the point. Don't you get it? Not even a basic task you can do without me. You can do nothing apart from me. You will grow in dependence, not independence, of me." 

"Ooooooooooh."

So I asked God: "Help me connect with Grant and Erica," and proceeded to call them. No answer. Just like my prayer. Thanks God. 

Then the following day, I thought, "Maybe I'll pass by Bill's office and just call him up and see if he's available." He was. We went for lunch, and I asked if I could see the marionettes he was working on. He gladly brought me in. 

I'd been trying to meet up with Lama for nearly two months. Katelyn and I helped him move a couple weeks earlier to the West End, where there's a lot of Korean restaurants. I said we should go for Korean food. He was 20 minutes late, but he showed up! He shared with me about his experience being a political refugee from Rwanda, and the state of the Rwandan government and people. I talked about my experience growing up as a Korean-Canadian immigrant. 

Erica and Grant were able to come to church on Sunday, where we reconnected and agreed to meet up in the weeks to come. 

~.~.~

"Depending on God" is a nice little Christianese phrase we Christians aspire to live out. I wasn't aware to what extent it'd feel embarrassing and disempowering, and how often I'd have to feel it. Without a community that keeps me accountable to being faithful and disciplined, I probably wouldn't do it.

It's a humbling thing (or more accurately, humiliating thing), to ask for help, to say "I can't do it by myself." But to be fully loved is to be fully known, and to be fully known is to allow yourself to be known by others by sharing your human limitations and inviting them into the desolate places of your life. Independence is an empowering but lonesome thing. Would I rather feel powerful, or loved? 

I believe that by saying "I can't do it; can you help me?" is the first step to allowing ourselves to be loved. 

So, would you help intercede for me? 

Please pray for these individuals I am deepening relationships with - all of whom I believe have leadership capacity to influence change in our neighbourhood:

1. Lama, a Rwandan-Canadian man who is part of the People of African Descent group and Carnegie Community Action Project, involved in advocacy and justice for low-income people, particularly of Black Canadians. He loves the teachings of Jesus, but not the church as an institution because of the Catholic Church's involvement in the Rwandan Genocide. Pray for continued opportunities to discuss the brokenness of the Church and avenues for encounters with Jesus. 

2. Erica and Grant, a First Nations couple who will be getting married soon! I met them at the First Nations Talking Circle; they are followers of the Jesus Way, and currently homeless. Pray for secure housing for them, and creativity on my end as well as our church on how to empower them to use their giftings. 

3. Bill, my housemate. He's a First Nations man wary of his Native community, but increasingly curious of Jesus. He used to leave whenever we had morning prayer, but now he stays all the time, and even prays with us aloud. Every Sunday he says he can't be at church, but I go and see him there. He even went to Missions Fest over the weekend and got a chance to meet Terry LeBlanc, a Mi'kmaq-Acadian professor from Tyndale who specializes in the contextualization of Native culture and spirituality to the Christian faith. Pray for a breakthrough and commitment to follow Jesus, and healing from his past experience of the Church growing up in residential school. 

Thank you for your continued support. 

Peace be with you,
Steve